How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
