It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
