If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
