Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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