I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
