I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
