he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
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We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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