Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
