i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
