I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
