nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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