got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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