don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
