I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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