Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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