So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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