I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
