you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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