My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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