why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
