haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
