Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
