The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
