remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
