i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
