went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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