I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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