My cat gives me a boner
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?