Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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