Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
