i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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