drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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