fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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