i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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