my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
