I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
