I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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