my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
