Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize