I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
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I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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