i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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