my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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