im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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