At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
