I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
