Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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