So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
