craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize