Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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