god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
