At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
