i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
