I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
