If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
