someone get that fucking seahorse.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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