Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
