you guys were way drunker than both of me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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