Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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