do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
