Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
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Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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