Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
