plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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