ya dads aren't the best wingmen
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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