Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
