Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
