if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
