my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
